My new all-cool story called Him

this story is already on goodreads but oh well here it is. its about a girl: joyce, who likes a guy named Drew.

Chapter 1: invitation

There is an answer to everything. Or so my parents say. They say I am smart enough to know right from wrong. Oh, really? They say there is good in everyone. I can prove them wrong. They say I am the joy of their life. They are lying. Everyone is lying when they say that. Why must they lie? Because when they lie, they not only lie to me, but themselves. Why do people lie to themselves? Say, “It will all be okay.” The first thing is to accept something is wrong! I am wrong! And I intend to be wrong.

My attitude is different. I doubt everything. When the teacher is explaining the rules I break them because I find a loophole. Why, again, do teachers tell you such useless rules? For example: “Don’t talk with the people around you.” Well then why not shout across the room to another person? I break every rule that is not perfectly stated. Finally my parents are beginning to realize that I’m not the joy of their life. But still, they lie to both of us.

My mouth is becoming close to useless now. Unless people ask me a question I am silent. Sometimes even if they do ask a question I will be quiet. People say I am becoming mute. Can someone really become mute? If so I will. If someone should ask me something, another would say, “Oh, she’s mute.” Then I would smile a wicked little smile and skip off to do whatever I wanted. But maybe it wouldn’t be good; I couldn’t speak up. I would be just another little person in this big universe.

There is too much going on in my world. Too many things happen for me to comprehend, and to notice. So there are times when I sit in a corner and think. Replay the day. Rewind, play parts over and over. I am the one who talks when what I am saying has been thoroughly thought through. I am not the one to burst out random answers. Why do people do that? The only outcome is wasted time, instead of a discussion.

Sleeping is the hardest. You might think this is the time I might finally think. But this is the time I wish to quiet down in my mind. I want to sleep, so dreams can take me away from this busy world, this bustling, hectic, tireless town, this place they call New York City.


My name is Joyce. I wish I might be named something else, something longer. Something that tells more about me. But ‘Joyce’? You get ‘Joy’ from that, and I certainly don’t want to be called Joy. My life is not joyful. My life is serious. Parents (including mine) say that life is short, and they wish to live it again, without mistakes. Well, I will live it now with no mistakes. It might sound perfect to you. A life without mistakes. But it’s hard.

Because I have a problem. Usually in school I am anti-social. I sit in a corner of the cafeteria, chewing on a soggy tomato sandwich. I don’t have enough time to socialize. But today, Drew Mitchell walked up to me. Drew has long (for boys) blonde hair which he is constantly shaking around. I find it quite annoying although the group of giggling girls doesn’t. I guess that’s why he does it.

Anyway, Drew came up to me and frowned. “What are you doing here?” he asked, as if ‘here’ was a bad place. Remember when I said I don’t always answer because I’m thinking about my answer? This would be the opposite of one of those times. I was speechless, like for once I had seen through his popular shield and saw the real Drew Mitchell.

“Eating!” I chirped. Right after I said it I was embarrassed. I sounded like those popular girls.

Drew raised his eyebrows. “I noticed.”

Well then I had nothing to say. I mean, what kind of sentence is, “I noticed”? So I sat through an awkward silence, my sandwich halfway in the air.

I think Drew realized how uncomfortable it was for me, and said, “Want to come sit with me?”

Again, I acted immediately. Randomly. Unexpectedly. “Surrrr…” Then I realized what I was saying. I shook my head violently. “No! I mean, no. I mean! Uh …” I felt my face getting hot. Millions of butterflies entered my stomach at a million miles per hour. I just sat there, shocked.

“It’s okay,” Drew told me. “I just thought you were kind of lonely.” He gave me a little smile, and headed back to the popular table. I saw the other girls at the table smirk at me, roll their eyes and toss their hair. One of them scootched closer to Drew and whispered. Drew shook his hair, and all the girls laughed, ignoring Drew’s frown.

I just kept sitting there, squeezing my sandwich so that some of the mayonnaise dripped onto my sneaker. I don’t think I really understood what had gone on. And after I had thought it through, understood what he had said, I had a sudden jolt. One thought burst into my mind and cleared out every bit of sense it could find.

I am in love with Drew Mitchell.

I find myself staring at Drew. I sink into those hidden eyes and float in a pool of pure blue. Every time his blonde hair shakes, sounding like a successful basketball shot, I feel like fainting.

My love for Drew is stronger than my stubbornness to be perfect. I am lost in the once-perfect world in my head.In my mind, I used to have organization. I had different topics I needed to think about. I would ignore the rest of the world until my thinking was done. That had been the perfect plan.

Now the plan in my head is ruined. It revolves around Drew. I must look at him every day, planning how to tell him I love him, planning how he will react. I wanted so badly for him to like me back. I wanted it to be like the romance movies. Sometimes I found myself crying. Then the last bit of my common sense ordered the tears to stop, and the sadness welled up inside me. I don’t know why I was sad. Didn’t some book say that 89% of boys want you to make the first move? But what if drew was part of the 21% that didn’t? What if he never liked me and never will? The thoughts took over my brain and pumped it around until thought became reality.

Drew hadn’t said a word to me. I wish I could have caught him staring at me. I wish he would have seen his name colored in the middle of the big red heart in my margins. Then he’d get the point and come over to kiss me.

I shook my head. What was I thinking? Had I gone insane? Where was the real Joyce?!

* * * *

For the first time, I am lost in the world. Before I at least knew my place. I could at least be alive and watching. But it seems I the world has forgotten about me. It has spun on without waiting for me. Now I am thrown out in the universe, gone. I have reached the end of the rope I have been following. Which way next?

And all I can think of is Drew. I can see him. I watch him. I love him. I think I have gone mad. I wonder if he would take care of me if I did. All these thoughts swirl in my head. I cannot stop thinking of him.

My plan, if I ever had the slightest plan in life, is gone. Disappeared. I am acting off the top of my head. Immediately, I tell myself, this is not what I’m supposed to be doing. It’s like something has taken me over. I’m not myself!

And then. Then. Then I cry. I don’t know if it’s in self pity, but I am scared. I feel exposed to a harsh world. When my thoughts lead to Drew I start crying even more. There is no point in being in this world anymore. Except to look at him. I sink into his pale blue eyes. This is where I want to stay.

I don't know. Maybe I'm being dramatic. Maybe it really isn't so bad. I just have to find my place in life again. Restart. With a sickening feeling I realize this means giving up my hope on Drew. So it's not like a movie.

I sit on my bed, fingering the laces on my pillow. "I hate him!" I cry. He gave me hope, he talked to me, he smiled at me, and now nothing. I love him so much that I hate him. To him, I am just another of his admirers. I am the crowd to him. I blend in. Must I stand out to be noticed?

I throw my pillow on the bed. It hits the mattress and bounces off the bed. I sit there, staring at it, trying desperately to understand everything. It is hard.

But when has anything NOT been hard?



please critique it!!